She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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