I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wish my penis had an off switch
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
