I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize