Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
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you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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