4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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