I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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