If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Is Oprah even human
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
