Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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