Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
