the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
