I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
