there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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