i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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