How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
