Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
