how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
