just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
