planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
