there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
