We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
nutella sex= disaster
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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