I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
