So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
this boner is exhausting
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
