How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she looked like the before picture.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
did i walk over a car last night?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
