Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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