I think I died a long time ago.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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