Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
