I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
