Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
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How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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