wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
