A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
