I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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