What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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