I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
