Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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