I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
