I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
