the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
