Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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