Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
