Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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