My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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