I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i permit you to call me
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
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