Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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