you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
