Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
