another moral hangover. fuck.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
