Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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