The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
