Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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