Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize