No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
