My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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