hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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