U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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