It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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