Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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