Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
