I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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