The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
