Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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