I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
