on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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