i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
