I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize