In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
