if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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