I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
