guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
