he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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