Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
