It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
