Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
