Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
