i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
