what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
