Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
