I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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