Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
