Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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