reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
